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Loveys for Life: Why Kids Should Keep Them For As Long As They Need

Posted by Urban Infant Team on
Loveys for Life: Why Kids Should Keep Them For As Long As They Need

Many toddlers have a “lovey” they can’t live without. It’s often a special stuffed animal or blanket, and your family might call it something based on the toddler’s first attempt to name it. (Which is how you might suddenly find yourself – a grown adult – desperately asking your partner to help you find “pookie” or “bo-bo” at 1am.) 

If your child has a lovey, you know how important it can be to them. Many children carry their loveys everywhere and can’t sleep without them. Some kids don’t even want to part with their blankie long enough for it to be run through the wash! 

Why Are Loveys So Important?
Security objects, transitional objects, comfort items… loveys (and children’s attachment to them) have been studied a lot in scientific communities. These items can become a substitute for the sense of security a child finds in being held and rocked, and can help them face new experiences with a bit more confidence. In new social settings, these objects might help children overcome shyness. In stressful situations, they can provide comfort. 

Can a Child Be Too Attached? 
Most toddlers who have favorite comfort items will experience distress when it’s missing or unavailable. This kind of attachment is normal and healthy (if sometimes inconvenient for Mom and Dad). However, if a child’s need for their comfort object consistently interferes with their play, sleep, or social interactions, it might be a sign of some underlying anxiety. You can always talk to your pediatrician if you have concerns.  

How Old is Too Old? 
Along with the disruption and distress caused when you can’t find “pookie” at bedtime or leave him behind at the park, some parents also worry that their little one might be getting too old to be so attached to a comfort item. Fortunately, there’s no normal age for a child to leave their lovey behind. In fact, research suggests that allowing your child to hold onto a comfort object for as long as they want might actually be beneficial. As long as your child is able to interact with others normally and take breaks from their lovey when it’s necessary, you don’t need to worry about setting a time limit on their attachment to their favorite bear. 

Adults Have Loveys Too! 
You might not be walking around the office sucking your thumb or sitting in a zoom call rubbing a blankie under your nose, but chances are you still have items around that bring you a sense of comfort and familiarity. Think about things like your wedding ring, a parent’s jacket you inherited, or your partner’s scarf that you borrow so often it just lives in your side of the closet now. These are the grown-up versions of a “pookie,” and you’d probably be pretty upset if someone decided for you that you no longer need them. 

Don’t Worry… Be Lovey!
If you have concerns about your child’s anxiety or other developmental milestones, it’s always a good idea to talk to a professional who can help answer your questions. If your growing tot is meeting all their milestones and showing good social and emotional skills, however, a well-loved bunny is probably not cause for worry. It might even be helping them learn to self-soothe and emotionally regulate in a way that will be helpful for them long after “pookie” is forgotten.  

And after all… we’ve known plenty of parents who decide to keep ol’ pookie in a box in the garage rather than toss him in the trash once their child moves on. Because sometimes, parents need a little comfort too. Especially when it comes to seeing how fast their little ones grow up.

 

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