Parenthood comes with a lot of unexpected moments, both beautiful and messy. It also comes with a lot of phrases you never thought you’d hear yourself say out loud. 

Some of them might be things you might have tried to avoid saying on purpose, like when you change the rules out of desperation. “Fine, here, take the tablet for as long as you want!” as an example. 

There’s also the questions you wind up asking that you just hadn’t considered before having kids. Things like, “What’s the best toddler lunch box?” or, “How do I get my child to actually sleep on the fancy nap mat I bought him for preschool?” 

But then, there’s the ridiculous sentences that come out of your mouth that make you stop and think, “Wait, what did I just say?” We hope you enjoy reading these funny parenting phrases that we’ve used ourselves, overheard other parents say, or had fellow parents tell us about. 

Said In The Bathroom
While perhaps not the most elegant way to start the list, most parents know that the things we say to toddlers in the bathroom are sometimes the funniest and most unexpected. Here’s a few we’ve heard (or said) over the years: 
“No, you may not sit on my lap while I’m using the bathroom.” 
“Please stop drinking bath water out of the toy shark’s mouth.” 
“Stop putting your hand in your pee while you’re peeing.” 

Toddler Licking Reactions  
(Insert Anything and Everything Here)
Let’s face it, kids lick everything. Especially things they shouldn’t. How many of these sentences have you had to say? 
“We don’t lick windows.” 
“No, you may not lick my thumb.” 
“We do not lick the dog.”  

Why Always Peanut Butter? 
It seems like the messier something is, the more likely it is to be found and used in strange ways by kids. Here’s a few ways we’ve had to address peanut butter being where it doesn’t belong.
“Why are you putting peanut butter in your nose?”
“Did you have to use all the peanut butter for the sculpture?” 
“Who put peanut butter all over the cat?”  

Don’t Forget to Write It Down 
In the moment, it’s easy to think we’ll never forget the funny or odd things we find ourselves saying as parents. But over the years, it does get harder to remember those specific moments that made us laugh (or shake our heads in disbelief.) 

 If you find yourself hoping to remember some of the silly moments of parenthood, grab a notebook and leave it where you’ll see it often. Then, when you say something that makes you think, “Did that really just come out of my mouth?” take a second to jot it down. 

Not only is this a great way to slow down and appreciate these little moments, it can also be pulled out years down the road for some hilarious reminiscing. And if your teenagers roll your eyes at you about it, you can simply remind them that you weren’t the one licking the dog.